Ha.

The last time i saw you,
you kissed me goodnight.
The last time i saw you,
you kissed me goodbye.

I

You may think that after all that you've done or not done to hurt me, i will try to hurt you back. But, you're wrong because hurting you back only makes me as small as you, hurting you back makes me a part of the rest of the world that has already caused you enough pain and hurting you back would eventually only hurt me.

II

Your fears, your dreams, 

your words, your gimmicks.

My insecurities, my nightmares,

my whispers, my truth.

"..and we want to stay in your life"

The most meaningful thing someone has said to me in a long time. I only hope she meant it.

Trust.

A black hole with trampolines floating around here and there. 

I wish i were half as selfish as the world portrays itself to be. Sometimes even entirely that selfish. "Think about yourself and only yourself", they said. I never listened. 

I wish i were less hopeful. Contrary to how pessimistic i usually am, my current state of mind, which has been so for almost a year now, doesn't quite allow me to give up eventhough somewhere, in some filthy corner, it knows that i'm being nothing but a fool and maybe doing nothing but making a fool of myself infront of an audience that probably isn't even watching.

I wish i were capable enough to say "no", to everything and everyone, to the shadows that lurk in the background of my hopelessly hopeful dreams, to all those ugly, empty, superficial eyes that every once in a while, from time to time, happen to succinctly look at me and then laugh at my foolish existence. 

I wish i could for even one single moment, believe in the potential i happen to have, however minute or even, almost negligible, it might be and give in my hundred percent at utilising it. 

We, as human beings, in my opinion, are the most useless, unethical and immoral creatures nature ever created. We are weak, mentally and to a large extent physically. We are vulnerable to the most trivial happenings in what we call "life". 
Those of us who think of ourselves as particularly "strong" are simply masked and are extremely afraid of the one basic phenomenon, which is to feel; hurt, embarrassed, betrayed, small, inadequate, lonely, alive, dead.

I wish i were able to easily adapt to change; of place, of people, of houses, of balcony views, of gardens, of pets, of "life".

I lost you somewhere close,
just not close enough.

Be the light,

in my darkness.

The brightest light,

casting the darkest shadow.

Days spent, 
in shades of grey,
with dim lights of love, 
over an ashtray.
Memories that once mattered,
now fade into a violet flame,
of nothingness,
and burn down,
slowly,
into dusty ash,
soon to be discarded.

This is the part where the end starts.